Senior Discount Blues

If one more store clerk asks me if I’m eligible for the seniors’ discount, I’m going to lose it and hit somebody.

I’m a long way from my seniors’ discount era. (12 years!) But they keep asking.

My husband, knowing how frugal I am, wonders why I don’t just say, “Yes,” and reap the benefits. He makes a good point…but…the truth is, I’m caught off guard when it happens, and I just don’t think that clearly.

I know that I look every year of my true age, but I don’t think I look 12 years older than I am! Anyway, after it happened again yesterday and I spent a good 2 hours fuming about it, I wondered if there is something I’m doing to promote this question. Maybe I could do things differently…Here’s what I came up with:

Joey’s Top 10 Reasons For Being Asked if She Qualifies for the Seniors’ Discount:

10. I haven’t been very diligent with the lotions and potions that collect in my bathroom drawer. Do they really work, anyway?

9. During this most recent episode, I was carrying a piece of fabric to match a colour. Each one I tried required me to do the “quilters’ squinty” thing with my eyes. Does that make me look like a senior? Or just a lunatic?

8. What I thought were caramel highlights in my hair, in certain light look more like plain old grey. (and I paid good money for those highlights!)

7. Lots of time spent outdoors chasing cows and fixing fences. No time for sunscreen, (but I always wear a ball cap!)

6. I wear my glasses down on my nose so that I can see to walk (look over them) as well as see whatever I’m buying up close (look through them). I could try putting the glasses on a string. Would that be any better? Bifocals are out of the question; I don’t think I’d be able to manage them.

5. I wear my shoulder bag crossed over my chest instead of just hanging over one shoulder, since a ‘6-hour-wait-for-my-husband’ marathon at a Farm Show left me crippled. Maybe I need one of those cute little boxy bags with the tiny little handles you carry in your hand. Nope, it wouldn’t hold all my junk, and I’d probably set it down and forget it. Maybe my forgetfulness is a part of this…

4. No time (or money) for ‘face work’ (facials, Botox, etc.)

3. I walk slowly when I’m shopping, because I’m wearing my 3-inch heel ‘town boots’ that look good but don’t feel so good (especially after a day at the mall). Maybe all I need is a pair of trendy sneakers. (but not the ones with velcro)

2. If I see an apostrophe error in a sign, I mention it. I’m beginning to think this is something only seniors care about. (note to self: shut up about the apostrophes!)

And the number one reason, I am frequently asked if I qualify for the seniors’ discount is…

(drum roll please…)

1. Because I just look old.

But the next time a sixteen year old girl with blue hair, and 22 piercings asks me if I'm eligible for the Seniors' Discount, I’m going to be ready with a pleasant, “Of course!” And when she asks for proof, I’ll lean close, so she can get a good look at all my wrinkles, and ask in a loud voice for directions to the sensible shoes. I hope to save a bundle!